Raising The Steaks

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Large steak with onion rings and chips
A Keswick steakhouse doesn’t think you can get through their 72oz rump steak in an hour. Prove them wrong

Seventy-two ounces. Doesn’t sound like a lot, does it? Possibly that’s because nobody’s measured anything in ounces since 1976, the icily efficient grip of the easily convertible yet somehow soulless metric system squeezing the ability to visualise how much a fathom or a furlong or a poggle actually is from our collective memory. In some ways, it’s a shame. In many, many others, it’s absolutely fine. 

Anyway, 72 ounces. Let’s give you some idea of that kind of heft. It’s about as heavy as a chihuahua. That’s the kind of heft we’re dealing with here. If that’s still too abstract, try one and a half human brains. Or about 10 average-sized hamsters. Or, to put it another way, one big juicy rump steak from Brossen Steakhouse in Keswick’s Inn on the Square.

Oh, the humanity. Boy, oh boy, oh boy. Sweet lorks a-lordy. Yes, it’s a lot of meat. It’s a challenge to the puny human digestive system. Some people turn away when the gauntlet is thrown down, muttering vaguely about having a quinoa salad in the fridge that needs eating.

But sometimes, heroes rise.

If you think you’re up to it, you’ll have an hour to take on this £65 steak – plus chunky chips, onion rings and a sauce of your choice – and get your money back if you finish it.

‘It’s going to be an epic challenge,’ says Brossen Steakhouse’s Head Chef Dan Lansley. ‘The feedback that we have already received suggests that some of our regulars are already gearing up for it. We’ve kept the rules simple: you cannot get up during the challenge or let anyone help you eat it, your plate needs to be empty within an hour and we require 24-hour advance bookings.’

Then again, you could just get involved in the rest of Brossen Steakhouse’s AA Rosette-awarded menu, like their sticky harissa spiced lamb belly with hotpot, chickpeas, pomegranate, yoghurt and a lamb samosa. 

That said, there’s nothing like the promise of summiting an apparently unconquerable peak to get people in a lather. As Edmund Hilary said, when asked why he wanted to climb Everest: ‘Because it is there.’ This steak is your Everest. Get your ice picks into it.

Brossen Steakhouse
Inn on the Square, Market Square, Keswick CA12 5JF
01768 773333
www.innonthesquare.co.uk/brossen

Published in: November 2017

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