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It’s a Dog’s Life: Winston’s Royal Weekend
June 2022
Reading time 3 Minutes

LN’s office dog plans his Royal Jamboree

Our canine columnist is feeling patriotic (well, sort of), as he addresses the state of the union.
The Ship at Low Newton The Ship at Low Newton

Groovy growls all round today and I trust you've had a sparkling Jubilee weekend thus far? Despite being a dog with French and German parentage I'm fully Anglicised and I'll happily wear the red, white and blue of the union flag. 

You've got to wonder why the Scots and Welsh want to break up the union, especially as they get so much extra cash when compared with England. Also, they can be so miserable too, take the Border Terrier for example, a popular breed often seen in Northern England, but why? They are so aggressive and should be banned from England (even the Borders). I remember once going to a party at one of my mum's cousins who had one, but insisted the dog was friendly. Friendly… you're joking! 

The brute tried to savage me and I fled for my life. Dad caught me and picked me up whereupon said ‘friendly’ Borderer bit him on the bum. He muttered about an old friend whose dad used to say ‘three points to Wigan’, when he kicked his cat outside. I'm not sure why, because he supported Leeds, but Dad was sorely tempted that day. Anyway, moving on… actually before we do, what about that half-wit West Ham footballer Kurt Zouma, who not only badly treated his pussy but also filmed it. I mean what a complete goon. 

Anyway, I think I've strayed a bit from the Royal Jamboree so to make good I'm heading to Alnwick. The Castle here's a real gem as is the garden, but we're not allowed in, I know – crazy but hey-ho, there's loads of great walks nearby and we're going to The Ship at Low Newton for a pint and a bag of crisps. Hopefully the queue wont be too long, and if it is never mind – we'll just go for a play on the beach. Where better to celebrate her Maj's anniversary?

Take it easy, and don't forget if you see a Borderer watch your step (and your bum).

Woof Woof!

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